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G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

November 3, 2009 1 comment

GI Joe Theatrical Poster

GI Joe Theatrical Poster

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Release Date:2009
Starring:Channing Tatum, Marlon Wayans, Rachel Nichols, Ray Park
Director: Stephen Sommers
Rated PG-13

I will be up front with this movie. I did not grow up with G.I. Joe nor do I know any of the characters. Although, over time I have figured out their names, their ideals and come to my own conclusions. Also, I had no expectations when watching this movie. I went in believing that it was a stinker which is the reason I never saw it in theaters. Now, I bring you my full review of G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

The movie starts out in 15th century France where they punish one of the clan members of the Scottish McCullen clan. He is punished for selling weapons to France’s enemy and he must wear an iron mask straight from the casting fire for the remainder of his life. He is now known to the people as Destro, destroyers of kingdoms. This is important information because in the not too distant future on of his ascendents, James McCullen(played by Christopher Eccleston), is now a weapons manufacturer selling weapons to the United States. When the Army is transporting the newest weapon from the manufacturer they are attacked by an unknown aircraft and soldiers that cannot be destroyed. After a somewhat Hollywood action segment The Joes, as they call themselves, intervene and help out our main characters that learn about the new covert operations regime.

Now, before I start berating this absolutely unbearabable piece of trash I want to showcase my initial thoughts of the film. If the characters weren’t live, but drawn like cartoons and this was a 20 minute television show then this would be a great movie. Otherwise, this movie isn’t terrible until someone starts talking. It was very funny to see how a lot of these great actors were able to portray such flamboyant cartoon characters so well. Let’s start with Channing Tatum who plays Duke. His acting was more robotic than Hayden Christiansen’s Anakin Skywalker. Everytime he either had a smart ass remark or sly one-liner I thought I was going to puke. Why doesn’t this man just go back to his tweeny bopper dance movies and leave action to people that can act better than he can. Now, Marlon Wayans is my least favorite of the Wayans family because he is just….not funny. I guess he was supposed to be the comic relief in this movie? His comedy and sly remarks towards Scarlet were so forced that it was funny because it was so stupid. Everyone acted decent except for the two main characters that we are made to believe are decorated war heroes which after 20 minutes I highly doubt. All they have are egos and what seems like basic boot camp training.

All in all I did not like this movie. It was such garbage with the stupid over the top action and poor acting. There is one thing, though, I believe that a sequel may be better than this one. Although G.I. Joe was utter trash of cinema, I think that a sequel might save it now that we understand where the characters come from and the cobra commander has been brought to light. Rent this or just wait for it to be shown in perpetuity on HBO soon. Do not buy this movie unless you have children under the age of six and can enjoy the crap that is filmed.


Shocktober #31 – Midnight Shock Rock Opera

October 31, 2009 Leave a comment

For the final film of the shocktober marathon, I would like to introduce and old favorite and a new favorite. Both of these films have great music and surprising casts. I can see myself watching these for the rest of my life. The first is one I have been watching for the past year and I got to go to the Chicago premiere. The latter is an old musical favorite that I have watched pretty much my whole life. So, in advance, thanks for reading this month and stay tuned for more reviews of the new and old happenings in hollywood film in the near future. Stay updated by being my friend on facebook or following my twitter!



Repo Poster

Repo! The Genetic Opera
Release Date: 2008
Director: Darren Lynn Bousman
Rated R


Seventeen and you can’t stop me! Seventeen and you won’t boss me! You cannot control me father! Daddy’s girl’s a fucking monster! -Shilo


If you know me personally you have probably heard of this opera. Masterfully done, this epic is a Shakespearean style storyline that deals with death, disease, and deception. Set in the future, an epidemic of organ failure has plagued the world with death. The only way to fix the diseased is to offer manufactured organs to the public and offer financing options on all types of surgery. The only problem is that you have ninety days of liquid before you get your Repo treatment. Geneco, the main corporation offering the organ financing, has Repo agents in the field that will repossess your vital organs. The repo men are feared by all including Geneco as what they do is protected by the government.


Me(left), Terrence Zdunich(center),Darren Lynn Bousman(right)

Lionsgate was so afraid of this movie that it was not released theatrically nationwide. No, writer Terrence Zdunich and director Darren Lynn Bousman, had to take this show on tour to major cities for “One Night Only” shows at small theaters. Thankfully, Chicago had a following of Repo lovers and I was able to see this version in the theater. After the show, Darren and Terrence were able to have a Q&A where a lot of questions were answered about the release and production. So, give this one a chance. It is extremely different and nothing I have ever seen before. An amazing story, extraordinary musical score, and drama that keeps you on your toes.




Rocky Horror Picture Show Poster

Rocky Horror Picture Show
Release Date:1975
Starring: Tim Curry, Susan Surandon, Meatloaf
Director:Jim Sharman


Frank-n-Furter it’s all over. Your mission is a failure, your lifestyle’s too extreme. I’m your new commander. You are now my prisoner. We return to Transylvania. Prepare the transit beam. -Riff Raff


Rocky Horror is a movie I watch on Halloween every year. Another great musical, with a suprising cast of characters, it is about Brad and Janet. This cute couple who recently engaged were on their way to share their news of the engagement with their college Professor. On the way, they get a flat tire and they result to going to the nearest castle to try and call for help. They are in for a night they will never forget.


Filled with sex, drugs, rock ‘n roll, and science, Rocky Horror is synonymous with the midnight movie. Being the first obscure musical with subject matter that was not in the popular consensus, this movie struggled to be a hit. Although it was tough one to get made, it was an instant hit in the major cities and a movie I will cherish throughout the rest of my life.



Something old, something new, two movies I thought would close out this Halloween season well. I hope you all enjoyed this marathon as much as I did. I was able to revisit old movies that I haven’t seen in a long time and I was able to showcase a couple new movies of similar genres. Stay tuned for a special movie post for “Dios de los muertos” this Sunday, November 1.


Categories: Shocktober

Shocktober #30 – The Crow

October 31, 2009 Leave a comment

The Crow PosterThe Crow
Release Date: 1994
Starring: Brandon Lee, Ernie Hudson
Director: Alex Proyas
Rated R

Greed is for amateurs. Disorder, chaos, anarchy: now that’s fun! -Top Dollar

The Crow is a simple story of a gang that terrorizes the local tenants for payment on devil’s night. When they choose the wrong life to take after throwing Eric Draven out of his apartment window. His spirit still flies free. One year later he returns in the form of a crow to avenge his death and his girlfriends. Filled with blood, breathtaking scenes, fantastic story telling and characters to be remembered forever, The Crow is one that is a must see for any film fan.

I thought The Crow would be a fitting choice for the Devil’s Night pick for shocktober. Although not very shocking, it does include: rape, murder, vengeance, drug abuse, racism, Detroit, and the all important rock and roll. The Crow is easily one of my all-time favorite comic book adaptations. The story that happened while it was finishing up the production is the shocking part. Brandon Lee you are missed.

Categories: Uncategorized

Shocktober #29 – Haute Tension

October 29, 2009 Leave a comment


High Tension French Poster

High Tension
Release Date: 2003
Starring:Cécile de France, Maïwenn Le Besco
Director: Alexandre Aja
Rated R

The fourth and final European film to be added to Shocktober is High Tension. It’s yet another French horror film to make it to the list. It’s about two friends, girls believe it or not, that go back home to rural France. Within twenty minutes in the film we discover our main character that has emotional problems is curious lesbian. When she makes it to bed in the attic guest room a strange character arrives to the home. This strange man slaughters the whole family in regular brutal French fashion. In one scene the man of the household’s head becomes decapitate by way of a dresser. You will have to see that one to believe it.

When I went to screen the film at my local movie house I was the only in the auditorium. This was perfect as I had to read the movie and it helped me concentrate on the dynamic storyline without interruption. Man, was I amazed as the story is played out. The acting is alright, but its the unspoken emotions that are seen in the faces of the characters that are great. This is another good one to take in on a rainy afternoon. Check it out on Netflix or buy it from Amazon.

Categories: Uncategorized

Shocktober #28 – Martyrs

October 29, 2009 Leave a comment


Martyrs Poster

Release Date: 2009
Starring:Morjana Alaoui, Mylène Jampanoï
Director: Pascal Laugier
Rated R

According to Wikipedia, a Martyr is someone who is persecuted and punished to death for not renouncing their beliefs. Usually involves religion or some sort of religious belief. Martyrs is a film of about a group of people trying to create martyrs to try and collect information of the afterlife.

The movie is about a girl who escapes an abandoned warehouse where we find out she has been abused and beaten. Since she has no family she is sent to an orphanage where she befriends another orphan. These two girls become best friends. Anna, the main heroine, is visited by creatures of some sort which we are to believe are because of the trauma sustained from the warehouse incident. When the two girls grow up, Anna, finds her captors and unleashes righteous judgement. Now, the real story unfolds as we learn new information on who Anna’s captors are and why they chose her.

Thoroughly an absolutely brutal film from France. In order to create a martyr there is more brutal punishment than you think. I was shocked at how much punishment was dealt on the heroines of the story. I just can’t find any other words other than just brutally real. Check this one out on Netflix, or just pick it up at Amazon as this is a great film to watch on a lazy Sunday.

Categories: Uncategorized

Shocktober #27 – Inside

October 27, 2009 Leave a comment

Inside PosterInside
Release Date:2007
Starring:Franck Ribiere, Rodolphe Guglielmi, Frederic Ovcaric
Director:Alexandre Bustillo, Julien Maury
Rated R

In the past few years France has given us some truly disturbing images of horror that cannot be unseen. Inside is not different from such classics. It tells a story about two cars that get into a car crash during a down pour of rain. One car’s occupants include a man and a woman with child. Cut to almost a year later. There are riots in the streets of Paris and tumultuous times are ahead for population of France. On the eve of Christmas, our heroine is getting ready to have her baby. That is, until darkness falls, and a strange visitor is harassing her at her secluded home. Watch the terror through the stalker’s eyes and see the fear that can be stricken into the undeserving, for what you seek is Inside.

Although, I have watched this film a few times it is still troubling to swallow what is happening on the screen. The first time I viewed it I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. The images that are portrayed are truly disturbing and hard to stomach. This is not for the faint of heart and if you enjoy the macabre, then dig in. Spectacularly acted and well done. This is definitely one of the Frenchies’ best in my book. Check it out as it is available at your local retailer.

Categories: Uncategorized

Shocktober #26 – The Descent

October 27, 2009 Leave a comment

The Descent UK Quad PosterThe Descent
Release Date: 2007
Starring:Shauna Macdonald, Natalie Mendoza, Alex Reid
Director: Neil Marshall
Rated R

Hailing from the UK, The Descent, was a smash hit and quickly became a cult favorite in the United States. It’s centered around a band of friends who go on a camping trip where they descend into a cave. This cave is charted according to their sporty group leader. What they find in the cave is unknown. The cave is inhabited by something not of this world and the girls find out quickly that there is no escape.

Surpisingly creepy, throroughly intense, this film will put you right on the edge of your seat. It goes for some cheap scares, but the thrill of them cave diving and not know where the tunnels lead or if they can escape is intense. There is such emotion in each character you practically love all of them. They are built so well that you feel sorry for some, but you want the adventure to continue. Wonderfully acted, beautifully directed, some of the scenes are breathtaking and you won’t take your eyes off of The Descent.

Categories: Shocktober